Christmas 2013

This Christmas was my 3rd without my little girl.

I wonder what this Christmas would have been like if she were here.

I know how this Christmas was without her here. I knitted my husband socks for Christmas this year. It was the second Christmas gift I have ever given him. The first being our little girl. I helped my Mom with her Christmas present for my Grandparents, & my siblings. I started a baby patchwork blanket & a child granny square blanket.

November 9, 2013

We went to the Mad Max Car Show. The last time we went to this show was when I wore the sweetest baby ever.

And to think that it was exactly a month before her birthday this year.

My Birthday

My birthday was last Thursday. I have gotten to the point that I don't want anyone doing anything for my birthday. I just want it to be just another date on the calendar.

My mom took me to the lake on Friday to going swimming at one of their resorts along with my husband, & my niece.

On Saturday my parents took my husband & I to the movies, bought pizza to take back to their house, & we watched another movie at their house. My mom also bought me a pumpkin cheesecake & it was delicious.

I am going out to dinner tonight with my in-laws.

My Little Girl's Site

My mom & I went shopping today to get my daughter some items for her grave site.

They didn't have exactly what I was looking for, but I was able to find something that I thought was perfect. It is a Noah's Ark cross in that it has a rainbow with Blessed are the Children, Dove at the top, & animals at the bottom.

I read some where that it helps to keep buying your children gifts as if they are still with us, & it helps me, because I don't have to look at items & wish that she was here to buy it.

Fall 2013

This is one of the hardest times of the year for us. I had two miscarriages in the Fall. We also have my birthday coming up, & Thanksgiving.

I know that I will always miss them. I will always wonder what would have been.

I like how the Pastor said in Courageous. That when you lose a child or any one you love, that you have to learn how to live without them like an amputee has to learn how to live without a limb.

I may not cry anymore over the loss everyday, but there are still days that I miss my children more than other days, & I can't help, but cry my eyes out.

I am here if anyone feels like talking, or needs a shoulder to cry on.

Canyon Lake

My husband & I went to Canyon Lake yesterday to spend time with my parents.

We went swimming for a little more than an hour. We then went to the hot tub. The hot tub felt so good.

I love & hate going because they have so much that families can do at the resort. I love it because when we have more children there is plenty to do. I hate it because I see what I am missing out on.

I know if I still had my children with me I wouldn't be able to go into the hot tub, but we could go into the kiddie pool next to the hot tub, go into the indoor pool next to the kiddie pool, go to the big outdoor pool, & go to the playground.

People have told me to move on, but how can you get passed losing a child. I never thought I would outlive any of my children.

One thing I have learned through this is live each day like it is your last because you never know when you are going to be called home.

God bless you all!